Finding the Right Therapist: What Really Matters Beyond Credentials

How to Choose the Right Therapist for You

Most people search for a therapist hoping to feel better, calmer, or more comfortable. That’s understandable. But here’s the paradox: meaningful therapy is not always comfortable. In fact, a good therapist may sometimes guide you into places of unease — not to overwhelm you, but to help you learn how to stay present with discomfort instead of running from it.

For many, this is the heart of the problem: discomfort is avoided, pushed aside, numbed, or buried. The result? Old patterns repeat, looping endlessly. Therapy at its best interrupts this loop. It invites you to notice what arises in the body when discomfort shows up; a tightening in the chest, a restless impulse to escape, or the mind’s stories racing in circles. Then, instead of running, you learn how to meet it with presence.

This is why choosing the right therapist is not about who makes you feel endlessly comfortable, but about who can walk with you as you lean into the uncomfortable, without collapsing into fear or escape.

In my own practice, the work is somatic. We use the body, breath, and awareness to anchor into the present. This approach resonates with the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, who reminds us that presence transforms pain. The difference is that here we are not only “thinking about presence”, we are living it directly in the body.

So when you’re considering a therapist, don’t just ask: Do I like them? Do I feel comfortable? Ask instead: Am I willing to be gently challenged here? Can I imagine exploring the edges of my discomfort with this person by my side? That’s where growth begins.

If you’re preparing for your first session, you may wonder what it will feel like. Often, it can feel strange or even uncomfortable — and that’s part of the process. Understanding this helps you step into therapy with more openness and presence. You can read more about what to expect in your first session in Your First Therapy Session: Why Discomfort Can Be a Doorway to Change.

Choosing the Right Therapist FAQ

Should therapy feel comfortable?
Not always. Therapy often involves discomfort, because real change comes when we stop avoiding the feelings or sensations that have held us back.

Why is discomfort important in therapy?
Avoidance keeps patterns alive. By learning to stay present with discomfort, you break the cycle of running away — and discover resilience, grounding, and freedom.

How do I know if a therapist is right for me?
A good therapist is not only someone you resonate with, but someone who can invite you into places that feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable — while helping you discover how to relax into them.

Do I need to prepare myself for being challenged?
No preparation is needed. Simply come as you are. The work of therapy is about gently expanding your capacity to meet discomfort in real time.